Farewell

Break words with me before the sun rises,
For at dawn you’ll leave for a new life,
Break bread with me, our last breakfast,
Thoughts piercing like a knife.
Fare thee well, blue-eyed girl,
You never told me where you came from,
I imagine a land full of fairies and dwarves,
Castles with gates unbroken by storm.
I had always wished to fly free like a bird,
You made that dream come true,
Yet slighted away at every chance,
Never let me come near you.
I know why, but don’t you fear,
No one’s going to harm you here,
For you are invisible to them, much like me,
And those who see you, are those who are free.
The others are but slaves, to their own gluttony,
But don’t you think about them,
Let them be as they are,
For whatever you try, they’ll remain the same.
So fare thee well, and the next time we see,
Promise me that we won’t shed a tear,
But will smile and pretend we never met,
But I won’t forget you, do not fear.

An Unfulfilled Dream

He pricked a thorn to see if it were true,
All the while believing he was living a dream,
For what he saw was not of this world,
The world he knew had brutalities extreme.
People walked by, smiling at each other,
The pretty little girls with pretty blue eyes,
He was amazed to see how no prying eyes,
Scanned them from top to bottom.
On the other side, a lady stood,
A group of men beside her too,
He was amazed to see how neither cared,
And stayed as if the other didn’t exist.
In his world, things happened differently,
But he wished this world was his,
For he had dreamed for a while, for this to happen,
And how now he savored it.
When the mendicant outside cried for money,
People didn’t throw waste food at him,
When the eunuch smiled at the guy beside him,
He smiled back too, shaking hands for a second.
He was amazed how this world had changed,
And thanked God for a while for fulfilling his dreams,
Only then he realized the thorn wasn’t pricking him,
And woke up dismayed, back into this world.

Abyss 2

The destiny of true love no one knows,
From where it starts and to where it goes.
To change the rose from white to red,
The bird on it the whole night bled,
Died in the morning, yet the color didn’t stay,
The rose faded out, and lived its own way.
She claimed to love her more than herself,
The world for her was he, she said to herself.
The poor boy died, and she went mad,
We all tried to calm her, ’cause we knew she was sad.
Every now and then she would talk about him,
Day and night she sung the same hymn.
We sympathized with her and tried to say,
You must go on, come what may,
She denied everything and said to me,
Till my death, only his I will be.
Yet I don’t know why after months only two,
She quickly found her partner new.
Even we had not recovered till then,
For his dreams haunted us like a silent wren,
We kept quiet and numb, for happy she was,
A new ray of hope, a gain after a loss.
But somewhere deep in my heart a fear has been born,
Will my love do the same thing after I am gone?

Sunny Nights

Gone are those days when we ran on the street,
Kept running miles though burnt were our feet,
Never stopped, nor looked behind because we knew,
Dreams were the wings with which we flew.
Where are the dreams? Who cut our wings?
Day and night my heart sadly sings.
Not even in winter we got frost-bites,
For us all nights were always sunny nights,
If not in the sky then what, never mind,
The sun kept shining at the back of our mind.
Return me my dreams oh cruel world,
Return me those people who thought I was a nerd,
Return me those days when friends true I had,
Who didn’t laugh behind my back when I was sad.
I want again with friends my old fights,
And I want again those old sunny nights.
That star over there on the sky you see,
That was the one we counted number three,
Give me my days when we counted the star,
And friends together stretched hands far more far.
Suffocated I am in this room tonight,
Darkness surrounds me always, there is nowhere any light.
I want those days when I hugged my mother tight,
Oh return me that lovely, pretty sunny night.

Nanny

It was now evening. Although I didn’t have a watch; I had lost my best one I bought from the Sunday footpath market on a bet over a pack of cigarettes; it was a nice one, a bit of gold plated, but smoking was much better than wearing watches, so I dealt it, but lost…. Anyways, by the sky I could tell there was still about an hour left for the sun to set. The sky was growing a bit dark, from white it started turning purple, and the crows and white pigeons sitting with me, had also started leaving, for their homes, leaving me alone as earlier. I kept sitting on the steps, waiting for my father to come, and say “Let’s go.” I had told him to reach here by afternoon, but as usual, he is late, and today was no different.

I always loved my father. He was a different man. Not like the other dads, but a soft-hearted, and I always took advantage of that… may be he will never realize how much I loved him and how much I cared for him; he was bald, with a  bit of hair in the front, although the sides and the back of the head was covered with hair. He looked good that way, short-heighted, with a moustache; black-white combined, no beard, and wore a pair of spectacles sometimes which made him look even cuter. I loved the way he smiled at me…. All sweet memories suddenly coming to my mind; but now I was angry with him, for being late; the river flowed with its own slow speed, it was rather dirty, but the reflection of the sky made it look beautiful.

I was getting bored, and the only way I could devise now of entertaining me was throwing stones in the river, pebbles, but there also my bad luck… the small children did this so passionately that there was hardly any pebble left. “Ahem!” I suddenly got alarmed by a voice from behind. I turned back, uninterested… the dim light around me lessened by the shadows of the palm trees, huge tall ones, but no palms; it wasn’t the season,; prevented me from figuring out who it is. So then I had to stand up and then turn around… hated doing that, I was so happy sitting, I am a bit lazy I guess.

Standing at a bit distance I figured it was a woman. In a white sari, and a big smile, she was looking beautiful. If only I can see her face I thought. She was definitely not my mother, my mother never used to wear white saris, those were meant only for old women, and my mother was young, very young, at least for me. No she wasn’t my mother. I went a bit closer. Now I could decipher her face. Yes she was old, as I knew old women had wrinkles on their faces, and she had a number of them. Her eyes, more beautiful than any other girl even of my age…. I stopped thinking. I just ran to her. Yes, yes, I guessed right, she was my grandma. My sweetest pal. Oh!!! How did she get to know I was here?

When I was small, and when I used to be sitting alone, she would come and sit with me, telling me stories about her childhood. God knows whether they were true or just a fairy tale, I couldn’t care less. Old memories started flashing through my mind. She always came to our home during the puja vacations, and we used to roam the cities together, papa, mummy, nanny and I. And then at night we used to chatter and chatter and chatter. Oh what a lovely time it was……. Wait!!! Was I dreaming??? Is it really my nanny??? I took a second deep look, yes, definitely she is my own sweet nanny. Why were both of us acting so awkwardly??? We were not talking only. I went up to her, “Nanny!” I had been used to calling her Nanny, since my elder cousins did the same. I said, “There’s time for dad to come. Let’s go and sit by the river and talk.” She just smiled, but didn’t say anything. I clasped her hand and we moved slowly back to the steps.

I started tweeting away, I always did that; never allowed her to answer my questions. I used to question her, and then I would answer them myself, and my nanny would just look at me and smile. I started telling her how bored I was feeling here. “Dad’s so bad,” I said.  “I told him to come an hour earlier, he didn’t reach till now.” And I kept on talking and talking and talking. I somehow assumed that my nanny had come to the temple beside, although she never said anything like that, but the basket in her hand… the basket I had given her a few years back; and it was her favorite basket… and the flowers in it brought me to that conclusion.

I had so much to tell her, all about my new school friends, and how one had beaten me up so much that he was suspended from school. Oh, that boy, I really really hate him. And then I wanted to tell her about our new teacher who came to teach me at my house… and my new computer… and that my dad had bought a new car, the one in which you wished to sit. Suddenly she rose, and when I asked whether she was getting late, she smiled, patted on my head, and then…. She kissed me. Yeah, I felt it. I couldn’t control myself. I hugged her hard and started crying. Then she left.

It wasn’t even five minutes she left that my dad came to pick me up. I had planned to shout at him for being late, but now I was so overjoyed I wanted to tell him everything that just happened. He came, and I suppose he was also expecting me to shout at him, so he got rather astonished at me smiling wide. I asked him, “Did you see her?”

“Who?” retorted my father, puzzled.

“Why, nanny of course! She just left. Didn’t you see her on the way back?”

My father silent. After a moment he said, “No. May be I missed her. Let’s go now.”

I agreed and we both drove home. Reaching home, I rushed inside. And……… I was then shocked. There was my nanny, lying down, my mother lamenting over her body. She had left for her heavenly abode that noon…. but I had talked to her in the evening…. Then…… was it….?

Café and Bouquet

The world cries out to me all day,
To forget the people that have left me alone,
I cry back to the world and say,
Whatever they have done, they have to me the way shown,
Then it laughs out loud and laughs again,
And bewildered when I look at it,
Ask me to tell it my loss and my gain,
And unable to tell it, I am in a fit.
Then it clutches my hand, on to it tight,
And though I have always hated it,
Takes me out to the torturing light,
And tells me to continuously stare at it.
Then when I see it shining on raw hay,
I am reminded of the bouquet,
The bouquet I bought for my lady that day,
When we were seated at the café.
And even now I go to the places where we,
Used to sit together watching the sea.
The sand which we sat still hold the temple,
We made with our hands, and they still tell,
They cry for you, I don’t know why,
The chairs have become cold and dry,
Where we sat together each evening and day,
That park still lies on my way.
And when I sit there the wind about you asks,
It recognizes me under all my masks,
The masks I wore since you left me,
Of happiness to show everyone that we,
That we are happy as happy as can be.
But deep in my heart, my soul cries all day,
To bring back the days of the café and bouquet.

Alone

When the world seems angry for no reason at all,
When all the small walls start seeming tall,
And the night seems so long you’d wish only,
That tonight you weren’t so much lonely.
Stand up and smile, ’cause you came alone,
Have worked alone, and will go alone.
Don’t crave for the one you loved so much,
For your love has no value as such.
The only truth that one has known,
To each his own, so no more moan.
Live your life to the fullest, don’t think of her,
You know your life has much more to offer,
Don’t think of the future, and forget the past
,Live in your today, ’cause you know that will last.
Tomorrow may come, or it may not,
You may be laughing, or sobbing out.
Control your destiny, how hard it may sound,
And it will come to you, when your goal you have found.
Friends are no one, no one is a foe,
Near are no ones, alone you must go.
So stand up and smile, ’cause you came alone,
Have worked alone, and will go alone.