Four Letters

I see a smile on his face now,
A smile I wanted to see for a long time,
He’s happy, she’s happy, and so am I,
To smile and be cheerful, this is the time.
Now I know why the gods said,
They wouldn’t help me come what may,
‘Cause it’s not something you fight for,
It’s not something you can win or lose.
You don’t earn it either, and you don’t give it,
It’s just what the mind plays when it’s idle,
And when you get busier, you’ll forget,
That it existed, that I was.
He thinks he’s happy, I shouldn’t tell him,
How wrong he is, how wrong she is,
‘Cause I know he’ll be wronged, unfaithfully wronged,
And although they say there aren’t tears,
When men cry there’s only a fainter smile,
I’ll tell him that those four letters he uttered,
Will soon make him see what I’ve seen some times,
You never actually love anyone, it’s only
The love for yourself that you see in her,
‘Cause if you were to love one in this world,
You would love yourself, you should, you must.

Hands on My Eyes

And now I think you have realized,
That we are destined to meet somehow,
For you’ve understood without my telling you,
I don’t know why, I don’t know how,
Hands on my eyes, and I still recognized,
The warmth of it, I knew was yours,
The scent which lingers through my mind,
Told me it’s you, it couldn’t be false,
I now remember how you had hissed,
Into my ears saying I was wrong,
To bring things up when they were least needed to,
Now you know I’m not wrong.
‘Cause I have waited, my lips are tight,
And no one can make me confess anymore,
I know deep within you still have a fright,
But don’t be frightened, I don’t feel so anymore.
Ah, don’t be mistaken, I still love you,
Only now that I don’t expect it back,
For I know if I were you and you me,
I wouldn’t expect you to expect anything back.

Nothing

Sometimes I sit and I wonder,
What to write if ever I write,
‘Cause nothing happens in my life nowadays,
No more fun, no more life.
Gone are the days when you missed me,
And talked to me thrice a day,
Now you don’t even remember my face,
And I let it go that way.
Gone are the days when I thought about,
Convincing you of the fact that I love you,
Now I’ve just let it go, hoping some day,
You’ll realise and come to me.
Gone are the days when I cried softly,
Because my friends hurt me to the heart,
Now I don’t care, because I’m used to,
Giving everything and getting nothing back.
I wish sometimes I could go,
To a time some three years back,
When you were all that my thoughts comprised,
How happy was I then, how am I now.
Sometimes the smell of the past lingers around,
I stop sniffing then, I cannot bear it anymore,
And though I never told you that it was true,
I wish you’d know everything by yourself.
Sometimes I wish fairies were real,
So that there were more like you,
But being only one on this world, you won’t survive,
I’m telling you, I’m telling you.
Now I know you don’t know how I am,
And I know you don’t care either,
But I wish if we’d cross paths again,
I wouldn’t smile at you, you would neither.

The Cloud

You have been with me for the past one day,
And haven’t changed yourself since then,
As if you’d personify my dreams itself,
Only if you were a person.
I have seen you change from grey to white,
And the evening set you to a light pink,
And even tonight you’ve covered the moon,
Which makes me wonder,
Whether you wish to block out the light from my life,
Or you want me to be in the dark so that,
Your rains come as a surprise and replenish,
What’s over and out inside my soul.
I told you in the morning you look more like a demon,
But as time has passed, I figured out that I was wrong,
You look like a wolf instead, and remind me,
Of the girly story a Meyer wrote.
The wolf there loved a girl, you must know,
And I think you love one too,
And that is why you are out tonight,
To show her that your love is true.
Don’t drizzle down oh yet so soon,
Burden yourself tonight some more,
So that you burst so heavily on her,
She will come to me nearer.
You love her and I love her too,
And though the Meyer said so,
I am not a vampire.
I am a human, a human in love,
If that forces me to do things vampire-like,
It’s not my fault, to blame are you.

Only the Last Word

A thousand, and then a million times did try I,
To tell myself that you should never get to know,
And then I smiled and told myself I,
All this is infatuation, not true love.
But still I don’t understand why when I see you,
I keep falling for you more and more and,
Every single time, more than before am hurt I,
How much ever I pretend deep inside I do know,
That my entire life I have dedicated to you.
I know you don’t care, you really don’t,
But I’ll keep loving you, by my love I stand still,
Through storms and gales will travel my love and I,
And whether you care or whether you don’t,
I am sure some day you will know,
And then you will ask yourself why,
You didn’t understand me before but nowhere will be I,
My photo in a frame in your room will you keep,
And you will realize why for you I kept falling,
But then it will be late, too late for,
By then I will be dead for you.

(Now read only the last word of each sentence.)

Don’t Fall in Love

Don’t fall in love, ay only losers fall,
Rise in love, and stand in it tall,
The heart, a storm in it, govern,
The rain, a noise in it, listen.
Walk on the roads that lead you to her soul’s towers,
And make her the colors of your flowers.
Touch the raindrops, and merge with its soul,
Travel over the clouds, push out of the hole,
The hole of grief where you reside,
Leave it in her hand, and let life slide.
The fog, the mist, the blossoming bud,
She the eternal princess, my heart, a thud.
Smell of the soil in the rains of the monsoon,
A blessing of God, arrived on earth too soon,
Yet don’t fall in love, ay only losers fall,
Rise in love, and stand in it tall.
The dew on flowers, wet as my eyes,
After it realized that all were lies,
Lies that life is a rose-bed to sleep on,
When it was pricked by each and every thorn.
Abandoned is the village, the village of love,
Died has today, each and every dove,
Each and every emotion that I had carried till today,
Has burnt out to ashes by the light of the day,
Yet I’ll not fall in love, ay only losers fall,
And I won’t rise in it, my life’s to a halt.

When I was small I used to close the fridge door really slowly just to see when the light went out

An awkward title, well, it just symbolizes the awkward mood swings I go into now and then. It seems for a moment as if the whole world was conspiring against me, and in the next moment the whole world lights my path, and this is not something new that’s happening to me, I have been going through all this since a long time now.

I remember how when I was small I used to close the refrigerator door really slowly just to see when the light went out. And I noticed, it always went out a fraction of a second before the door was closed. And then I grew up and read about the Butterfly Effect. Yeah, do not try to connect the former two lines, you won’t be able to. But I realised something important through this small fridge game of mine. The light always goes out before everything closes. You can always see the light going out, and be sure that something is going to close after this. Like for example, tube-lights going out before going to sleep, or the light of love going out before an actual break-up, which brings me to what I analyzed. Nothing happens all of a sudden, everything is a gradual process.

The darkest hour is before the dawn. But the converse is not true. Similarly, a put out of the lights of love does surely signify the end of it, but the end of it need not signify the putting out of the light from one’s heart. And though you may feel what I am writing is utter bullshit, and in some corner of the mind even I feel so, I actually am not.

When I started writing this blog, I had a motive. A motive to reach to specific people my thoughts. The mission remained incomplete. The motives changed. Now I write only for my pleasure. When I was small I won essay competitions. Yet I find it difficult to write in prose now. I prefer poetry, not only because it’s more beautiful, but because it’s an ability to express your feelings in a restricted environment. I do not have any ideals, I was never in this in the first place. I never read poems, except for the ones coming in the final examination. I used to read novels, but stopped after I read “The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari”, it was such a bore. I wanted to write in my blog an autobiography, but its draft wasn’t accepted by people who were characters in the narrative. I had to drop the idea. I posted every day, or at least every alternate day earlier, now I don’t. Not that I have less time, but that there are few things which I put up nowadays. I still write much more.

Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles. Do your job.

Now that was the collection of the most unrelated facts u must ever have read!