How It Changed Entirely

This is a sequel to Nothing Has Changed.

It is true that you change,
When people around you do,
Or else I wouldn’t be writing this today.
It is true that you change,
When I am absent,
Or else I wouldn’t be writing this today.
For coming back and starting,
From the point you left off,
Is never the same as not leaving at all.

You understood my eyes,
What they meant without speaking,
Now you can’t hear me,
Tell me, who changed?
You smiled at silly jokes,
Now you mock me with others,
Say I am stupid,
Why, who changed?

Goodbyes were meant to be happy,
Yet this time it isn’t,
I am sad and I’m upset,
But you wouldn’t know,
You are busy there, out with new ones,
And like old newspapers I’m trashed in a can,
Know that I’m sad to see,
How it changed entirely.

Promise

Forget what happened that one night and I promise you it will never happen again.
Smile at me when you see me next time and I promise you will never frown again.
Walk with me for five minutes and I promise you I will walk alone forever after that.
Become my tears and I promise you I will never cry again.

Nothing Has Changed

The gardens of my house still flowers bloom,
The trees in it still nest birds,
The windows of the room still bring sunshine,
And also the rains as they came with you.
Without you here, nothing has changed,
I don’t miss you, I really don’t.
You did a good thing leaving me,
A bolt from the blue was what I got,
But new things happen, and old things go,
Bygones are bygones, you must know.
You thought you’d punish me by going,
I really don’t care what happened,
I do not apologize, I never will,
But I still remember that last bill,
Which came with the last date we had,
I burnt it up, I was so sad.
But no more sadness, no more grief.
I’m thankful to God who made you weep.
The roads here still people walk,
The markets here still people crowd,
Yes, nothing has changed without you with me,
And nothing will change, I assure you that,
And so at last, and so at least,
Remember me when you cry like a beast,
And I will laugh when I realize,
That I was the one because of whom someone cries.

Nanny

It was now evening. Although I didn’t have a watch; I had lost my best one I bought from the Sunday footpath market on a bet over a pack of cigarettes; it was a nice one, a bit of gold plated, but smoking was much better than wearing watches, so I dealt it, but lost…. Anyways, by the sky I could tell there was still about an hour left for the sun to set. The sky was growing a bit dark, from white it started turning purple, and the crows and white pigeons sitting with me, had also started leaving, for their homes, leaving me alone as earlier. I kept sitting on the steps, waiting for my father to come, and say “Let’s go.” I had told him to reach here by afternoon, but as usual, he is late, and today was no different.

I always loved my father. He was a different man. Not like the other dads, but a soft-hearted, and I always took advantage of that… may be he will never realize how much I loved him and how much I cared for him; he was bald, with a  bit of hair in the front, although the sides and the back of the head was covered with hair. He looked good that way, short-heighted, with a moustache; black-white combined, no beard, and wore a pair of spectacles sometimes which made him look even cuter. I loved the way he smiled at me…. All sweet memories suddenly coming to my mind; but now I was angry with him, for being late; the river flowed with its own slow speed, it was rather dirty, but the reflection of the sky made it look beautiful.

I was getting bored, and the only way I could devise now of entertaining me was throwing stones in the river, pebbles, but there also my bad luck… the small children did this so passionately that there was hardly any pebble left. “Ahem!” I suddenly got alarmed by a voice from behind. I turned back, uninterested… the dim light around me lessened by the shadows of the palm trees, huge tall ones, but no palms; it wasn’t the season,; prevented me from figuring out who it is. So then I had to stand up and then turn around… hated doing that, I was so happy sitting, I am a bit lazy I guess.

Standing at a bit distance I figured it was a woman. In a white sari, and a big smile, she was looking beautiful. If only I can see her face I thought. She was definitely not my mother, my mother never used to wear white saris, those were meant only for old women, and my mother was young, very young, at least for me. No she wasn’t my mother. I went a bit closer. Now I could decipher her face. Yes she was old, as I knew old women had wrinkles on their faces, and she had a number of them. Her eyes, more beautiful than any other girl even of my age…. I stopped thinking. I just ran to her. Yes, yes, I guessed right, she was my grandma. My sweetest pal. Oh!!! How did she get to know I was here?

When I was small, and when I used to be sitting alone, she would come and sit with me, telling me stories about her childhood. God knows whether they were true or just a fairy tale, I couldn’t care less. Old memories started flashing through my mind. She always came to our home during the puja vacations, and we used to roam the cities together, papa, mummy, nanny and I. And then at night we used to chatter and chatter and chatter. Oh what a lovely time it was……. Wait!!! Was I dreaming??? Is it really my nanny??? I took a second deep look, yes, definitely she is my own sweet nanny. Why were both of us acting so awkwardly??? We were not talking only. I went up to her, “Nanny!” I had been used to calling her Nanny, since my elder cousins did the same. I said, “There’s time for dad to come. Let’s go and sit by the river and talk.” She just smiled, but didn’t say anything. I clasped her hand and we moved slowly back to the steps.

I started tweeting away, I always did that; never allowed her to answer my questions. I used to question her, and then I would answer them myself, and my nanny would just look at me and smile. I started telling her how bored I was feeling here. “Dad’s so bad,” I said.  “I told him to come an hour earlier, he didn’t reach till now.” And I kept on talking and talking and talking. I somehow assumed that my nanny had come to the temple beside, although she never said anything like that, but the basket in her hand… the basket I had given her a few years back; and it was her favorite basket… and the flowers in it brought me to that conclusion.

I had so much to tell her, all about my new school friends, and how one had beaten me up so much that he was suspended from school. Oh, that boy, I really really hate him. And then I wanted to tell her about our new teacher who came to teach me at my house… and my new computer… and that my dad had bought a new car, the one in which you wished to sit. Suddenly she rose, and when I asked whether she was getting late, she smiled, patted on my head, and then…. She kissed me. Yeah, I felt it. I couldn’t control myself. I hugged her hard and started crying. Then she left.

It wasn’t even five minutes she left that my dad came to pick me up. I had planned to shout at him for being late, but now I was so overjoyed I wanted to tell him everything that just happened. He came, and I suppose he was also expecting me to shout at him, so he got rather astonished at me smiling wide. I asked him, “Did you see her?”

“Who?” retorted my father, puzzled.

“Why, nanny of course! She just left. Didn’t you see her on the way back?”

My father silent. After a moment he said, “No. May be I missed her. Let’s go now.”

I agreed and we both drove home. Reaching home, I rushed inside. And……… I was then shocked. There was my nanny, lying down, my mother lamenting over her body. She had left for her heavenly abode that noon…. but I had talked to her in the evening…. Then…… was it….?

Café and Bouquet

The world cries out to me all day,
To forget the people that have left me alone,
I cry back to the world and say,
Whatever they have done, they have to me the way shown,
Then it laughs out loud and laughs again,
And bewildered when I look at it,
Ask me to tell it my loss and my gain,
And unable to tell it, I am in a fit.
Then it clutches my hand, on to it tight,
And though I have always hated it,
Takes me out to the torturing light,
And tells me to continuously stare at it.
Then when I see it shining on raw hay,
I am reminded of the bouquet,
The bouquet I bought for my lady that day,
When we were seated at the café.
And even now I go to the places where we,
Used to sit together watching the sea.
The sand which we sat still hold the temple,
We made with our hands, and they still tell,
They cry for you, I don’t know why,
The chairs have become cold and dry,
Where we sat together each evening and day,
That park still lies on my way.
And when I sit there the wind about you asks,
It recognizes me under all my masks,
The masks I wore since you left me,
Of happiness to show everyone that we,
That we are happy as happy as can be.
But deep in my heart, my soul cries all day,
To bring back the days of the café and bouquet.

Footpath

There’s the window I used to stand at,
Looking at the road that leads to her house,
And when I see it now I remember,
The footpath we walked where my feelings rose.
The set of her eyes, those dark twinkling ones,
The hand of her, in my hand it stayed,
For so many hours, and now it’s away.
The anklet’s chime, the feelings they brought,
My sleep, her dreams, my sufferings, her smile.
The times we met at her house, or the roads,
I saw my yellow one turning into a red rose.
Little did I know that building I was,
Castles of sand that would get washed,
Washed by the tears that rushed through my eyes,
And flow even today though the memories are iced.
Chained was I to what I didn’t know,
And couldn’t break it though I tried high and low.
Then one day she came, unhooked my chain,
Took me with her, through that same lane,
And I was so happy and I was so keen,
Till I found out that it was all a dream.
The leaves which fell last autumn call me,
The leaves of love, they cry and call me,
Tell me that she’s gone, don’t wait for her,
Try to bring back in me that shudder,
The feel I got when I first saw her with him,
Whom I didn’t know and didn’t want to meet him,
I want her alone as I am right now,
And surely we’ll join, and that’s my vow.

Alone

When the world seems angry for no reason at all,
When all the small walls start seeming tall,
And the night seems so long you’d wish only,
That tonight you weren’t so much lonely.
Stand up and smile, ’cause you came alone,
Have worked alone, and will go alone.
Don’t crave for the one you loved so much,
For your love has no value as such.
The only truth that one has known,
To each his own, so no more moan.
Live your life to the fullest, don’t think of her,
You know your life has much more to offer,
Don’t think of the future, and forget the past
,Live in your today, ’cause you know that will last.
Tomorrow may come, or it may not,
You may be laughing, or sobbing out.
Control your destiny, how hard it may sound,
And it will come to you, when your goal you have found.
Friends are no one, no one is a foe,
Near are no ones, alone you must go.
So stand up and smile, ’cause you came alone,
Have worked alone, and will go alone.